I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Too much gin, very little bucket
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
