You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize