bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
