Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
