I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
