so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
