My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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