I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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