Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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