Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
