i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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