I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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