Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
