Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
