i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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