it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
