I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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