So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
