Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
