Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
