i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
