yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
