Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
