Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
