Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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