I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
