please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
