I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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