Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
