and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
