I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
