we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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