Too much gin, very little bucket
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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