I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize