don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
