I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
