I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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