yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
