Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
