it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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