I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hippo gnu deer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
