I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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