He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Acid is not a monday night drug
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
