Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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