If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize