Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
