i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
