I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she woke up with a sticky ear
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
