Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
