We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
