god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
