we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
