We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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