Kiss
Puke
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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