Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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