Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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