Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
