my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
