i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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