Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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