Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
