***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
