You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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