i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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