because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
