okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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