I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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